A Friend Who's Dressed in Leather

“...Well, this ain’t good.”

“Not gonna lie, Hanabi. This ain’t good at all.”

“I hate not bein’ able to see. It’s all darkness and noise.”

“And the air. It’s all so-”

“Dead? Dead but crawlin’.”

“Yeah. Like the last great fart left in the gut o’ a floater or somethin’ equally vile. I don’t think this place has 
had even a whisper o’ fresh air this entire Age.”

…

…

...

“...Do you think we’re gonna make it out?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. Most o’ us have been dead once or twice. But we ain’t ever been lost before.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Sorry?”

“Death. I haven’t uh, died before.”

“I don’t remember the first time all too well. But that second time? With the lava? Yeah I don’t recommend it. But you don’t feel a thin’ once you hit the Line o’ the Dead. Except loss I suppose.”

“I’m scared. I’m not… I’m not good enough for this!”

“Don’t say that-”

“No. It’s easy to rely on a swift blade in the back when all you’re up against is some high-falootin’ Aberdeenian cryin’ about his lost tiara. But… I hit one o’ those gugs square in its ugly face and I think maybe it coughed a little?”

“I didn’t ask you to join us for ability to shoot thins, Hanabi. That was well, that was my job at the time.”

“And thins have changed since then. If we get out o’ this alive, I’m going to train. Hard. I’ll ask Jaq or someone how to properly use a bow. This lovely piece of claptrap I got right now is some kind o’ drunk noble- pretty, slow and more useful when traded away for gold.”

“Good. Plans. Plans are what I like to hear. We can bust outta this mess alive with plans.”

…

…

...

…

“Also, Pezzack…

“Shades.”

“Why do you always insist on- nevermind. I just wanted you to know. In case I… don’t make it out, permanently. Declarin’ your faith to a god whilst you’re still alive feels a lot like revealin’ your hand way too early in the game but… I want to follow Thyr. Or Bofred. Whichever one is alive enough to be grantin’ you your magic. It ain't every day that any god, alive or dead, pays attention to a bird.”

“Thyr, Bofred and I have an agreement- we’ll all do whatever we can to bring the greatest good to the greatest number o’ people out there. Right now that mostly means givin’ Orcus and his fan club hell to pay.”

“Then I’ll serve that.”

An unusual delivery.

It's early on the morning of the 209th day. The sun is only just beginning to lighten the sky, and has not yet appeared on the horizon. 2 shadowy figures can be seen on the dock, the fog off the river concealing all but their outlines. One appears to be a woman, likely human. Her companion towers over her, his vast size and bulk at odds with his careful movements and calm voice. Anyone observing the figures would see that they were clearly waiting on the boat that had just drifted into view.

"The others will not approve" Talisa's hissing draconic words drifting into the mist.

"The others do not, cannot understand. This is too important. We must know, we must understand, if we are to undo the damage."

"The mayor will be upset.."

A look that could almost be described as a hollow smile crossed the ogre's face. "I am less concerned about our mayor, than I am his orc. But never the less, we must act, and face what comes when it does."

...............................

Considering the quantity of cargo, the ship was unloaded remarkably quickly. It almost looked as if the crew were afraid of the crates. The captain had barely re-boarded after receiving payment when the anchor was raised and the ship was heading back down river, moving a good deal faster than it had earlier that morning.

Talisa rose, excitement playing across her face. "I thought they were mundane. Did you enchant them?"

"No. They must already be reacting to the instability. Curious. We shall have to take this into account. Have the golems load the wagon, I will summon the horses. We must must begin assembly at once."

Lannis looked down at the sunlight reflecting off the hundreds of copper and iron gears and tubes, arcane runes etched into them. "Soon, soon we shall know."

The Snarl of the Bird

So here I am in the rafters again, the sweet clouds of tobacco smoke surrounding me, three claws of Haku’s finest at my side and a sullen feeling that the damn dwarf is going to come collecting today. Normally I don’t have a problem ignoring my debts, but the paladin beat me fair and square, and he was just so damn nice about it, must have been the new cask of firewater we cracked open last night. But booze tastes different during the day, and it’s only as smooth as your worries will let it be.

I’m eyeballing the patrons, someone here’s gotta have some coin I can beg, borrow or steal, when the door opens and two dames waltz in. I peg them immediately, but I always find it best to observe before making a move. They sit down at a table and I notice something funny, neither of them are speaking but there’s a lot of hand-waving. My guess is deafness, which gets confirmed as soon as Haku comes to the table and only one of them is talking, the other’s silent but a hand gesture gets her a drink too. Haku doesn’t blink but then he’s a professional, never asks questions and makes everyone feel comfortable. When he’s back at the bar he catches my eye, what does the old turkey want? I stub out my cigarette and swoop down, keeping one eye on the ladies.
"Those two are looking to hire a finder, but I don't like their auras. They smell of decay." Always to the point, this bird.
"What's their story?" I'm curious, it's one of my flaws.
"All I know is they paid gold for their drinks instead of silver." Haku states, before turning to the taps.
I take some time to try and get their measure, mulling over what he said, wondering how an overgrown chicken can smell auras. The quiet one looks uneasy, like there's a fire ant somewhere in those robes, her anxiety plays across her face. The talker just looks bored, but her casual demeanour is betrayed by the keen eye that is observing the room, assessing every person and entryway.

I wait for their drinks to arrive before I make my way over and perch on the back of an unused chair, careful to stay out of arm's reach of the pair. I light another cigarette and puff out a stream of smoke before looking the talker in the eye.
"Big Bird tells me you dolls are looking for some help." I state, guardedly. No surprise shows on their faces, but a flash of a smile from the mute one and we have ourselves a dialogue.
"My colleague and I are after something that we lost near the forest, a scroll case. We believe it was broken but not destroyed. "She states in a husky tone. "It is a divine object with a lot of sentimental worth to us, and we are prepared to offer 500 gold for it's retrieval."
I eyeball the silent partner a moment before turning back to the talker. "What did you say your names were?"
"500 gold and no questions asked." She's a tough one to get a read on, but 500 gold is 500 gold and I'm a bird in need.
"No questions huh... Well I'll need to know where you 'lost' it, and how long ago that was."
"A few miles up the road towards the coast, and it was some months ago. The road section has been staked out for searching as we were attempting to find it ourselves. We shall be staying here for the next day or so, the innkeeper will know which room."
"Well that's about all the information I need. Now there's just the matter of my retainer..." I manage to keep the hopeful tone out of my voice, and I've never heard of a face harder to read than mine.
The door to the tavern opens and in walks the dwarf, already hailing Haku for a stout one. My new employers have already stood up and are walking towards the stairs, leaving 20 gold pieces on the table. Hardly my usual rates, but it'll cover expenses.
Before I've even had the chance to open my pouch, the paladin has sat down opposite me and palmed 19 of them.
"Ah good timing, Matey. Ahm sure ah'll be seein' tha rest by nightfall?"
I glare at him briefly before snatching the lonely coin from the table and flying back up to my rafter. I never trust a client normally, but these two definitely ruffled my feathers the wrong way. The light winks off the only gold I own, a lighthouse beacon warning me to stay away.
Still, I'd better close this case quickly or, sure as Dwerfater's hammer, I'll be turned over to the guard by the cheerful bastard.

The sun is hanging low in the sky by the time I find the place and predictably, there's not a sign of whatever went down, just another dirt road on the side of another hill in Mosswood. Seeing telltale signs of a mudslide leading away, I circle round to take a closer look. A short way into the dim forest and I come across a meandering river, its banks soft and damp. It's possible any lost items might have ended up here and it's the best lead I have. Did the sun already set, or is it just getting darker in here? I make my way down the river, keeping my eyes out for anything metallic, listening to the soothing sounds of nature, plus a couple of twig snaps and what might have been a howl. A fetid pool by the side of the river, reeking of decay. I sense movement, a flick of my wings and I’m up in the branches. There’s a few minutes of silence before a panther, patches of fur missing and skin which could only be described as rotting, slinks out from the underbrush and stalks towards the pool of water, into which it promptly vomits a reddish-brown liquid. The rank odor of disease wafts up to my vantage point, I see no threat here and time’s getting on, this bird needs to deliver.

A glint of metal, deep inside a festering tree hollow, attracts my eye and I perch on a nearby tree to get the lay of the land. There’s another twig-snap and a rustle in the bushes nearby, another sick panther? I give it a few more minutes before I descend to the mud-covered metal that’s caught my attention. I peer into the hollow and it looks pretty solidly wedged in the mud, a creeper wrapped around it too, just makes my life harder. Pulling out some rope from my pouch, I snip the vine with my beak, did I just hear another howl? Working quickly now I tie the rope to the vine, and pull it up over the nearest branch. Using myself as the pulley counterweight, I pull the rope down with all my strength and heave the object out of its dirt prison. A quick inspection tells me it’s my payday, the scroll case is shattered, but recognisable, and covered in writing that I’m unfamiliar with.

While I’m peering at the engraved scribbles I hear yet another rustle, but it’s been a false alarm every time, so I don’t even look up until the net is descending upon me. The loud one from the tavern is here and she’s got a wicked grin on her twisted face. I make a move for my pouch but she snatches up the net with me in it and tosses the whole affair into the river. I struggle, but the net is dragging me down into the putrid water, light fading away. With my last breath I use my Mage Hand to tear the net away and push myself to the surface. I’m still near the tree hollow, but there’s no sign of the double-crossing dame or the scroll case. Haku’ll never let me live this down, but first I need to get back there.

The foul water is dripping from my colourful plumage, I must be quite a sight, not that anyone’s around to appreciate it. Another howl, close this time, and the nearby vines start thrashing. I try to take to the air but one’s already got my claw, then another and I’m being held down like a chicken waiting for the axe. What looks like a deformed tree trunk comes out of the shadows and with it’s one sickly-thin branch points to where I found the case. The howl is mournful, laced with anger, and what must pass for its eyes are boring into me, looking for answers.
“The human female took it! She’s gone back to town!” This doesn’t seem like the time to be holding my cards close to my chest.
“Hooollllyyyyy”. The thing’s voice squelches like a dozen wet rats being pressed by a millstone. “Mmmyyyy Hooollyyyyy”.
“You worship that thing? They mentioned it was divine. Maybe you can contact them and work something out! Want me to carry a message for you?” Anything to get me out of here, this thing stinks and the constricting vines are making me worry about my wings.
“Meeesssaaaaage”, shouts the tree-monster, and from the corner of my eye I see the sickly panther creep forward out of the cover.
But that’s all I see, as the vines whip up a frenzy again and I’m propelled into the very hollow that I had so recently excavated. A crash, darkness falls, as something sturdy drops in front of the exit. The vines withdraw and I flex my wings, grateful for the pain that tells me I can still fly, if only I can find a way out of this mess.
Outside, I hear the muffled scream again, “Meeesssaaaage!” but this time It’s joined by the howls and roars of several other creatures.

Gods I hope they don’t destroy my tavern.

The Maltese Parrot

Another bitter morning sun shakes me out of my restless slumber. Did I dream, or was it just an after-image of the last scumbag I put down? I ruffle the cigarette ash out of my feathers and hop onto the bar for a nip of the morning brew. Haku is looking at me like the Ghast of Solstice Past. He doesn't know where I go at night and I ain't squawkin'.
A quick bath at the stables, the water tepid and foul, and I am back up in the rafters where I do my best thinking.

Yesterday’s summons from Drusilla to look into a mysterious rabbit death had left me stumped. Definitely not natural causes, since when did nature stuff rotten acorns into a corpse? The carcass was cold by the time I got to it, already crawling with the 6-legged demolition crew. I managed to save a few fibres but they could be the hair of any brown beast, maybe the Ogre could identify them but I didn’t think I needed to call him in just yet.
On the way back to town I had paid a visit to the Mad Badger, gods rest his soul, but he wasn’t talking. Some creative beakwork later and the 3-pawed bastard spilled the beans. Turns out some local bigshot calling himself Nutsy ordered the hit. He might have given me more but that’s when the sky fell on us, flashing shades of brown and grey hitting us from every side. I got a clear look at the one I gutted before making my escape, a damn squirrel!

Customers are coming in, the noise rising up like foul dust in the summer. Time to pay the dizzy druid another visit with what I’ve learned, see if I can shake loose any more info from that leafy head of hers. I make quick time to the forest, yellows dappled across the once verdant green, the autumn cancer. Funny, I didn’t think of it like this only last year, but then a lot of things have changed since then.

“Turns out our rabbit-killer is a squirrel by the name of Nutsy.” I keep a close eye on her face and see the flicker of self-doubt, she knows something.
“Oh no... oh no… Why would he do such a thing?” She shook her head and I waited for her to continue. “Nutsy was one of my forest friends. I blessed him after I had such success with you. I was hoping for a companion to help me watch over the forest.” I grimace at the reminder of my origins, that strange awakening of self awareness still haunts me to this day. "He's such a good little thing..." She's mumbling to herself.
“So when did he start murdering bunnies?”, I don’t have all day and the dame needs to remember who she’s talking to.
“At first it was fine, he wasn't as smart as you, but he loved to spend his days beside me tending the forest’s needs. But then he started disappearing, at first only for a few hours here and there. Then it was days at a time, and then one day he just vanished. I had hoped he met a lady squirrel friend and found happiness elsewhere.” She sounded uncertain, like she wanted to convince herself more than me.
“When did you last see Nutsy?”
“A week ago. When I moved on from the Oaks, I thought maybe he had stayed there to live with the other squirrels.” She said. “Well that’s where I’ll start looking. I’ll let you know if I find anything.”
“Do try to bring him back, I’m sure it was just a mistake…” She trailed off, the saddest glimmer of hope fading in her eyes as I flew away.

The sun is burning down overhead, my shadow, a dark clone of my form, plays across the canopy as it flashes past below. I make good time to the Oak copse the druid mentioned. Gnarled, moss growing across their boughs like the creeping plague, I hate trees. I spot a sturdy-looking branch and rest lightly. I Open my beltpouch, a gift from that darling Talisa, and put a nice dry cigarette into my beak. A quick flash from my handy everburning matchstick and I’m sucking down my first pleasant breath since entering this damned, damp, miserable place. Shadows in the corner of my eye, but the underbrush is quiet, too quiet.

*THOCK*

...

First I notice the pain, lancing through the back of my head. Then I open my eyes and notice the dark, it’s not daylight anymore. The muted rustle of leaves tells me that I’m not outside either. I’m on my back and the bastards have tied up my wings, just how smart is this squirrel? I lay still for a few minutes to get my bearings. The scent of sap and moss tells me I’m in a tree, probably a hollowed tree trunk. I can’t hear any vermin nearby so they must think I’m down for the count. I figure now is as good a time as any for my get-out-of-jail-free card. I Mage Hand the vines off my wings with a wiggle of my claw and push myself upright, bloody handy little talent, if I do say so myself.

Sneaking to the entrance I can see firelight, the impish flicker of orange across the boughs nearby. A loud voice starts up just as I peer out but it's not directed at me, rather the host of forest creatures below my vantage point. I spy what must be Nutsy and he's hollering himself hoarse about Hell, or is it Hel, and some growing pestilence in the forest. I briefly hope it's just a mad sermon, but the glint in his beady little eye tells me he's swallowed his own line. I hear him mention sacrifices to the tree lord, what tree lord? If there was any doubt left in my mind it drains away when he instructs his pack to gut the prisoner (me!) and fill me with the acorns they had gathered. Taking my cue, I hop out to the nearest branch and take off. None of the vermin are looking up and the darkness gives me all the cover I need to do a quick scouting loop and plan my approach. A flash of colour from the darkness is all they see, and I'm gone. I spit out the beakful of fur and throat, giving the forest back it's own before I return to town.

A quick splash in the castle bath, it wouldn't do to turn up in front of Haku covered in blood for the second day in a row. He might start asking questions, and I'm not prepared to answer them just yet. A silent nightcap or three and it's back to the rafters to sleep away the headache, who the hell throws an acorn anyhow? A tree lord, desecrated corpses and more, there'll be no respite from the visions tonight after what I heard and saw.

The Frog of Diplomacy

The late afternoon sun shone through the trees of the glade, casting a dappled pattern across the babbling brook by which two badgers wrestled playfully.  It was the kind of place that could easily make you believe fairies lived in the world, a belief helped along significantly by the small winged woman sitting on a rock with her feet in the water.

However looking slightly to her left made it seem like the idea that there was anything good in the world must be a terrible terrible trick as that was where the fey creature’s companion sat.  While the woman’s blue eyes were completely at odds with the rest of her dark toned features that wasn’t the disturbing part, they seemed somehow a reasonable part of her compared to the rest.  The disturbing part started slightly lower down, with the column of runes snaking up her neck that surely said something terrible if you could make them out and finished with the hideously out of proportion and discoloured right arm and section of midriff that were exposed to the world in the heat the way something so wrong never should be.

If for some reason an onlooker still wanted to pay attention to this scene after noticing who was there they would have observed what seemed like a long, meaningless conversation start to move into the realms of seriousness.

“I only started workin wiv them lot to make some gold after I got here from mah island.” the abomination was saying “But a’ve gotten a whole heap a gold now and ah think there’s more important work ta do now.  Seems like Orcus is gonna try to do summin skanky to this world, an I think us folk are the best people to stop it all given how we know the dungeon and wa his minions a up to an shit.  That’s why they wanna set up a little empire with an army an shit, so we can take over Rappan Athuk and stop Orcus doing whatever he wans ta do.”

“Empires are awesome.  I’m a princess, I should know.” Said Erika, helpfully.

“Prollum is, I ain’t got nothing to contribute to their empire.”  Kruin continued.  “I mean, there’s heaps o stuff I can do, but they don wan me ta do it.  I’m really good at magic and at fighting, but they said Lanniss is da boss of magic and Mortima is da boss of the fighting people.  Even though they are both really stupid about being bosses.  Mortma makes his people walk up and down in straight lines all day and thinks they gonna learn to fight by doin that, what does he know?

“Anyway, only role left that I could do that they don wan dun in a stupid way is diplomat.  I thought diplomacy were a type of weapon til that discussion happened, but they mean someone who’s good at talkin to people and making them come onto our team.  I’m heaps good at that, I know all bout tricks and promises, but Shades don think I’d be a good diplomat.”

“Maybe there’s more to it than just tricks and promises by themselves.” Put in Erika, this time actually helpfully.  “You look at them like they’re two different things, but I think the art of diplomacy comes from combining the two.”

“But if summins a trick its not a promise – how can it be both?” Kruin asked.

“Few things in life are just one thing or another.” The fey creature continued in a voice so tinkly you could easily miss the wise content if you weren’t used to it.  “Think about it like this.  The land and the water seem like two very different places – lizards live on one and fish live in another and if you put either in the wrong place it dies quickly.

“But then you have frogs, which are basically half lizard and half fish and can live in both places.  Diplomacy isn’t about fish and lizards, it’s about frogs.”

“How dat work?”

“Like this.” Said Erika, lifting from amongst her things laid out on the bank a bulging sack that clinked as she lifted it.  “What if I said to you that I’d give you everything in this bag if you went on a quest for me?”  With those words she opened the bag to reveal it overflowing with gold.

“Where you get all dat from?”

“That’s the interesting part isn’t it?  Say you agree to it and finish the quest and come to me expecting the gold.  Then I say – as per our agreement, here’s the contents of the bag.”  And with that she upturned the bag, releasing not the expected shower of gold coins but instead nothing more than a few dried liver badger treats.  “I promised to give you what was in the bag, and I kept that promise, but I also tricked you about what was in the bag in the first place, and that is the frog of diplomacy in action.”

“Huh, I like your trick, stupid rhakshassa did same kinda stuff.  Those tricks could really help when we have ta fight stuff.”

“And they’d also helped when you had to talk to people and make them join your team.”

“Tha defly would be helpful.  You wanna come live over at Dejune and help us?  What we’re doin is real important, and I think you’d be good help.  Also make ta place more fun, place is kinda boring right now.”

“Certainly.  My people can all do tricks like that, but we also have an old book of spells that do similar things which I used to read over when I was little, littler, and I was really good at them.  Let me study up a bit and I’ll head over there when I can.”

“A like it.  You an me gonna be diplomat together and whole world will be on our team an fight Orcus.”

And so the scene ended, with Dejune blissfully unaware that despite having rejected the negotiating services of the fish of lies and the lizard of promise it was soon to be home to frog of diplomacy.