Sharks and Stuff

I saw my second castle ever today! It was so much cooler than the castle that we're in right now, but I guess that was because of the wind. It was pretty windy. Windy enough to fly in for some of us, though not me, because I didn't need to fly anywhere, because I'm totally smart like that.

I wonder if Laniss can make me fly? It would be pretty awesome for a little bit.

Anyway, we got into the second castle because we headed back to the place with the big teleporter thing that was trapped with something or other. It was kind of a really lame trap, because all it did was teleport us to the second castle. Is it really a trap if it's the intended purpose of a device? I don't think it is, it's more of a device. A trap is totally something that you don't expect, or something that interferes in the normal operation of a device. Maybe the platform was supposed to teleport you somewhere, but the 'trap' (totally using inverted commas there to imply it isn't a real trap!) teleports you to a DIFFERENT place? And then the stupid who made it can be all “Haha! I trapped you, and you don't even know it!”

Except you wouldn't hear him because you'd be in the other place. Real stupid.

So we got back from the second castle before it hit some big chunks of ice because it was totally going to do that, and went to the other teleporter place, with the teleporter that took us to the cemetary that one time. So we used the other one, and it was kind of alright, but there were SHARKS.

HUGE SHARKS. So awesome. I shot one! I bet Siurly would have liked the sharks, too. They were big and vicious, and I shot one (so did the bird) and all the other sharks ate it instead of us! I wish Siurly could have been there. Aww.

Of course, Siurly would have totally freaked out because of the water, because that's where sharks live, obviously. And we were kind of sailing over it in a really badly put together boat. Really bad, I mean, Jamon makes better boats and he kind of sucks at it. I hope he doesn't read this at any point! If you ARE reading this, Jamon, STOP IT NOW THIS IS PERSONAL STUFF GOSH.

Annnyway, Siurly hated the water ever since her second nameday, which kind of makes it obvious why she hated the stuff, even if it was totally silly of her. Oh well! I think I need to get a lot of sleep, all this walking is pretty tough!

Snookums and the Red Dragon

[SCENE: On the boat from Tarren’s Junction to Zelkor’s Ferry. Everyone is tired and likely trying to figure out exactly how they are alive gods damn.]

Shades: I weren't just garglin' sake for a day, weren't I? I mean, Aberdeen's finest rice piss occasionally got a burn to it but it ain't gonna make you see Rhombodazzle's amazin' manticore tapdancin’ circus if they ain't actually waggin’ their stingtails right in front o' you.

So yesterday the Great Downward did fall through the fuckin’ infinite skies o’ the Plane o’ Air. In a castle. And we did scramble outta a shark infested reef in a leaky wooden boat. And Kruin was a useful member o’ the company.

Oh and Snookums parleyed a suit o’ mystery armour outta a great red dragon. What in the great wobblin’ dewlaps o’ Tsathogga happened between you and that magic lizard?

Snookums: Ah... that. Well yeh see, he was scared of me.

[Shades scratches around the side of his head, where the ear holes are.]

Shades: Sorry I musta got down in my ears. I thought I heard you say that an adult dragon was scared o’ a little dwarf.

Snookums: This here wax seal on my armour is the symbol o’ the Thaurissians. A long time ago they nearly wiped out all o’ the red wyrms. Apparently this whelp knew enough about 'em to be wary. Once I noticed his courage flaggin’, I pushed and he yielded.

Shades: Thaurissian... that floatin’ Oracle skull and Agamemnon have both uttered that word here and there. Do we actually have even the slightest idea what they are?

Snookums: As far as I ken, they were a nation or a noble house, some 10,000 years ago. I don’t think there are any left, me’self excepted, o’course.

Shades: Right, so you are one o’ these Thaurissian folk, they ain’t just mistakin’ your face.

Snookums: Kinda... Remember about 6 weeks ago, I got a sending from Tsar and left to attend the funeral o’ my aunt’s niece’s cousin once-removed? Bleer was ‘er name. Lovely lass, always quick wit’ an ale an’ a story. Died the way a dwarf should.

..Well among her possessions was a rather fetching signet ring. Once I had joined the caravan back to Tarren’s Junction I had time to try it on. It fit well on my left hand, so I left it on. That night I had the most incredible dream. When I awoke, It was days later and I was on the boat back towards Zelkor’s. I was sunburnt, and my armor had this wax seal attached to it.

Shades: A bird would normally think this kind o’ suggestion is downright cutsnake crazy, but that bird ain’t ever had a day like the one we just scraped through. Do you think the dream your dear old Bleer’s ring gave you had any impact here in the wakin’ world? Like say, made you one o’ these Thaurissian folk?

Snookums: Y’know it might just be. The dreams I been havin’, I was part o’ an army o’ dwarves and elves fightin’ red wyrms in the desert. Some part of it affected our world, ‘coz I actually learned some new skills there and even came back wit’ new shields too! The second time I went back was more o’ the same wyrm-huntin’ and slayin’. I haven’t gone back since ‘coz we been busy here and I did nae’ want to miss a thing.

Shades: O’ course. Who’d want to go to glorious dwarven battle against dragons when there’s a dirty cave in the Stoneheart Valley yet to investigate? I like your spirit son.

So what about this suit? Ready to show it off to the Mouth o’ Doom’s nastiest, or is it some kind o’ ornamental piece?

Snookums: Well in mah expert opinion, it’s as good as the day it was forged. A lil’ dusty, but whoever made this would be offended if I didn’ use it! I still want t’ know more about the Thaurissians, however. And this enchantment that confounds our wizard concerns me. I think it best that I take the armour to Doren’s Hold and learn what I can. By your leave, o’course.

Shades: Fine by the boss, Snooks. The Mouth o’ Doom just sent us on one hell ovva ride and it might be best for everyone and my poundin’ headache that we spend a little time not scramblin’ for our places on this mortal coil. The treasure ain’t goin’ nowhere.

Agamemnon: I’d be happy to accompany you, Snookums.

[Snookums nods in agreement as he leans back. Silence falls on the Great Downward as everyone rests.]

Rules are Rules

Some days, I wonder if I'm some kind of oracle or truthsayer, because I totally called it! We found our way out of the maze thing, though the others didn't let me poke at this huge teleport platform thing that I told them was trapped, because it obviously was. I can't believe none of them didn't see that until I told them! But yeah, they wouldn't let me do anything with it beyond tell them that it was there, because the trap was totally integrated into the platform thing, and if I was going to deactivate it, then it probably would have broken the platform. Not the stone part, but the stuff that made it teleportational or whatever that word would be. Note to self, ask Laniss if that's a word.

So we avoided that big thing, and there were some chain devil guys that wanted us to fight hydras, which was kind of fun, but then the weird lady with the lightning magic, Kruin, decided to attack the chain devil guys, which was so totally dumb. Ugh. But we got out of there because the orc guy and the not-so-orc guy are pretty good at hitting things! Then we ended up at the big scary cemetery at the front of Rappun Athuk, which was kind of not good, because we were supposed to be heaps far away in the other direction. We had a pretty easy solution to it though, we kind of just walked out.

That was when we met this girl (I think, it's kind of hard to tell when they're shapeshifters) called Corrack. KING Corrack, apparently! Anyway, they were pretty nice, to be honest. Very respectful and business like, which I totally appreciate! Turns out that 'king' means 'of the bandits', which was a little bit less nice, but they were acting more like the tax people Laniss sometimes talks about. But yeah, that was all going alright, sure, they wanted some of our gold, but only a bit, but that's when Kruin spoke up again and told the guy (girl? I don't know!) that the bird was totally the rightful lord of the land. UGH SO STUPID I DON'T EVEN WHAT SERIOUSLY. I mean who does that? UGH.

But yeah, so the king girl (guy?) challenged Shades to a duel to the death, with the orc guy accepted instead, even though he was so obviously outclassed. It was kind of neat how the king person (personette?) changed themselves to look like the orc guy and even use the same weapon. But yeah, our orc guy was about to get slashed all to death and stuff, when UGH I DON'T EVEN WANT TO WRITE HER NAME GOSH. When she totally jumped in and broke the rules! Along with the bird and the dwarf guy, though he was a little slower because of all that armour he wears. And with being short, I guess? Anyway, Laniss and I headed off then, because we totally didn't want anything to do with breaking rules.

But somehow, they all escaped alive, and met up with us again at the place with the ferry and the really creepy innkeeper (who I think might be allergic to silver maybe. Note to self, test this later). And so we headed back to the castle!

Of course when we got there, the door was shut, and people were being dumb. But we got in anyway, because Laniss is smart about that sort of thing. You can really tell that he went to school! But yes, we got back in, and everything was fine for a bit.

Then the bird told us that guy that looks after the horses had totally killed himself, because the bird had to fire him for being the dumbest one about the whole locking us out of the castle for dumb reasons thing. Total overreaction, I guess, but maybe he just couldn't stand to leave the castle? It is kind of neat looking.

Laniss is totally reading over my shoulder. He swears he isn't, but he just rolled his eyes as I wrote that last bit about the castle.

Anyway, that's enough about current events and all, let's talk about other stuff for a bit! Okay, now he's rolling his eyes at me pretending to write in conversation with this book. Spoilsport.

Right, so. I totally miss home! Sure, it's not much to look at, especially compared with this castle, but it's still home, you know? And I miss everyone from there, even Jamon! Mother is also dearly missed, though I know she's always thinking about me. I hope she doesn't feel too bad about Siurly dying, though. I don't like it when she's sad!