Snookums and the mystery drinker

They say there are trance-like states that can be reached by a master practicing their craft. Heights of mental clarity where everything and nothing coexist in a way that cannot be explained to the merely competent. But explain it we must. Imagine every neuron in the mind arranged in crystalline perfection, singing in harmony, all focussed on the task at hand. Imagine every grain of sand on an infinite beach moving as one, flowing with a wind only the master can feel.

Haku was a master glass polisher. When he was behind the bar, the chaos of the Planar Anchor flowed around him without ruffling a single feather. Patrons came and went, beers were pulled and spirits poured, kobolds scolded and parrots... Well the bar was quite short on parrots these days, but the kobolds were definitely still scolded. All the while, the rag polished the glass, keeping rhythm with a tune that only Haku could hear.

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On the way back from the Spider Queen’s lair, Snookums was deep in thought. While his companions discussed the details of the task, Snookums could barely conceive of the enormity of what lay ahead. To create a God... How could one dwarf help with such a mammoth undertaking? He looked at his companions, their equipment the worse for wear, and decided to do what he did best. Focus on what he could do well to support the others.

Snookums was a master of several crafts, and for the next four weeks he kept himself busy with all of them. His mornings were spent improving the Dejune army; shouting and cursing at them through combat exercises, marching drills and lunch. He was determined to make the defense of Dejune one less thing the Great Downwards needed to worry about.

His afternoons were spent in the forge. First he reconstructed Agamemnon's crushed armour before handing it over to Talisa for magical enhancement. Then he repaired his shield, shattered by a colossal strike in a duel with the young hellknight. Smoke above a forge is an effective “Open for Business” sign, and a Paladin of Dwerfater always takes requests. Perrit handled the orders from the townsfolk while the apprentices delivered the completed tools, weapons, riding tack and furniture throughout Dejune. Soon, every home and business in the town had something made or repaired by Snookums.

His evenings were spent at the tavern. To the untrained eye, he appeared to be drowning some substantial sorrows. To the seasoned barfly he appeared to be a regular dwarf. But to Haku he was a fellow master, and they were practicing their crafts together.

Haku would polish the glass, then fill the glass. Snookums would drink the glass, then push the glass back to Haku. This would continue until Snookums stood up, paid his tab and slowly wobbled out the door.

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The 424th day started like any other: Snookums shouted himself hoarse trying to get Graa’aa’ak to focus on stealth instead of rabbit-hunting, then spent most of the afternoon crafting a tiny mithril breastplate which couldn’t fit anything larger than a bird. Leaving the forge that night, he felt proud of using leftover scraps of mithril to create something so intricate and beautiful. The future owner would surely cherish it.

Snookums arrived at the Planar Anchor and took up his regular seat, his first drink was already in place and slowly discolouring the lacquer on the bar. Another swiftly followed, and a comfortable rhythm was established. At some point in the evening Haku looked up from his glass-polishing and thought he was seeing double, not an uncommon occurrence given his alchemical pastimes. He squinted first with one eye, then the other, and determined that the other dwarf was really there. He shrugged and dropped another glass onto the bar, filling both.

Hours later, the final notes of a dwarven drinking song drifted away into the quiet night and Snookums looked up to find himself alone. He fumbled with his coin pouch to tip Haku for the most enjoyable evening he’d had all month, but he was surprised to find a scrap of paper in his pocket. He retrieved it and read it over, mumbling quietly to himself.

Seconds later, an entirely sober Snookums was running for the castle, note in hand.

Haku wasn’t worried though, the dwarf always paid his tab eventually.

“You do fine work with mithril and hammer. Work a god would be proud to wear. Each god has their artifact as symbol of their divinity, but there is no rule to state that this is all a god can wield. My breastplate was forged by the hand of a god, and my boots shaped by mortal men, and I would be naked without them.”

The Order of the Scythes first contract

Tabitha finds Mort packing his saddlebags, getting ready to leave for Tsar.

"I do believe congratulations are in order, Mortimer." she said, with almost a hint of a smile on her face. Mortimer turns to her wide-eyed

"How did you know? I haven't told anyone yet!"

Tabitha stops, thinking about what she just said, trying to piece together some context. Coming up empty, she reluctantly enquires.

"...what are you talking about?"

Mortimer grins ear to ear.

"I managed to touch my tongue to my elbow!"

She holds back a sigh, trying to get through this with some dignity intact.

"I'm not sure I want to ask... but I will. Why would you do that?"

Mortimer was clearly eager to offer an explanation.

"Killy said that in order to be a good archmage, I need a really strong magic muscle. To exercise it, I have to try to touch my tongue to my elbow. It stretches the right muscle, he says, and you need it to cast good spells like fireball. Now I'm a good archmage, because my magic muscle is strong. Look!"

One sign of good discipline is the ability to suppress nervous ticks. Tabitha has good discipline. She watches Mort try to lick his elbow for a few moments, before interrupting him.

"Killingsworth lied to you Mort, and that achievement isn't worth a congratulations. But forget that. I’m here because I think I've managed to secure our Orders first work contract"

This grabbed Mortimers interest. His tongue disappears, but his elbow still floats up around his face while he says "Ooooh, lets go raid Greznek!"

Tabitha crushes his boyish daydreams the way Kruin crushes diplomacy.

"No Mort. I've been holding talks with Lady Maya. She wishes to hire us for our particular brand of.... aggressive construction. She wants us to form and fortify a beachhead in the city of Tsuen. From there, we'll organise raids, follow them up with work teams, and systematically clear out the city, rebuilding and fortifying as we go."

Mort looks happy, in a crestfallen sort of way.

"I guess I'm not holidaying with Lady Tolah in Tsar after all."

Tabitha shrugs

"No, I thought of that. Lady Maya has agreed to send Falnil and Hilterguarde from the Duskguard to Tsar, freeing up Lady Tolah to join you here. Then the two of you and Crusher can head down to Tsuen, do some reconnaissance and pick a location for a base. I'll send down the Iron Fist with a work crew in a week or two with some plans and perhaps a headband of engineering for Crusher, and you can get things started."

Mort looks like he's just eaten a lemon.

"That fucking horse isn't going to be in charge, is he?"

Tabitha shrugs again.

"Of course he is. Like it or not, he’s third in charge, and you and I already have our hands full. He is a Hellknight after all, and this falls within his purview ”

Mort's mouth is still full of lemon.

“If he gives me lip, I’mma wallop him." That thought seems to placate him somewhat. "This job will make us money, right?”

Tabitha shrugs for the third time.

"We're still in talks, but it looks like Lady Maya will organise reimbursement for our expenses rebuilding the city, plus a percentage on top. It might take a while to ramp things up down there, but it should cover our day to day Castle Grey expenses eventually."

This improves Morts mood.

"Ooohhh, goodie!"

"Here's a draft of the contract. We might still change some minor details, but the meat is there. Look it over if you want"

Mort snorts, taking the contract and stuffing it into a pocket.

"Yeah. Sure. I'll get right on that."

Tabitha almost-smiles again, before tilting her head back towards Greyton.

"Lets head to the Salty Sabaton to celebrate. We'll see if we can get a squad of the Shields together on the way, and we'll hit them with a raid. I could do with a laugh”