A real world analysis of the standard spells of the Vancian college:

A concise guide to spells by Laniss, Mage Ascendant of the Stoneheart Valley.
 

Cantrips:
Acid Splash-Limited range, minimal damage, no long term effect. Has some value as a defence of last resort, but rarely worth the effort.

Arcane Mark-Useful means of marking property (or persons) for later divination or conjuration. Has applications for disguising runic traps or for cowing weak minds.

Bleed-Cause an already dying opponent to bleed out. If I need to explain all the ways that is moronic, please put this book away and find yourself a sword, you are not ready to explore the arcane arts.

Breeze-May be useful in crossing a desert, but there are better solutions. In most other cases, it's applications are far to niche to be worth the effort.

Dancing Lights-With a creative mind, this spell can be put to great use. The spell can only be maintained for a limited duration, but it should be more than enough for most, however it is not particularly effective as a conventional light source.

Daze-Has value when dealing with the weakest of minds, but even they will not be fooled long. Can be useful in certain market places, if an appropriate partner can be found.

Detect Magic-Mandatory. If you cannot understand why, again I refer you to the nearest armourer's workshop. 

Detect Poison-Can be useful in certain social situations (and has in fact saved my life on a number of occasions). Outside of those, the time to cast it can be better spent. When in doubt, assume poison and react with appropriate prejudice.

Disrupt Undead-Useful for incautious young necromancers and those exploring tombs for useful relics, but I personally find holy energy difficult to focus, and therefor rather lacking in raw damage. Better abandoned once one grasps the higher mysteries of the arcane.

Drench-I once had an apprentice use this spell on a spellbook of mine he had inadvertently lit on fire. The fire was successfully extinguished, as was his future at the academy.

Flare-You could just as easily flash a mirror in someone's eyes. Do not waste your talent on such trivialities.

Ghost Sound-A truly powerful spell in the hands of a creative mind. Can be paired with other illusions, can be used to lure opponents into a trap, to entertain, the possibilities are endless...

Haunted Fey Aspect-I watched a classmate use this spell to defend himself from thugs he failed to manipulate. Two of them looked rattled, but the leader decided to press the attack. His death serves as a good example.

Jolt-See Acid Splash

Light-A staple. Will save you the trouble of keeping a candle burning while you study, and has applications that run from exploration to misdirection. 

Mage Hand-Supremely useful. From setting off traps to aiding in lab work, this spell will save you plenty of legwork.

Mending-When you work with delicate equipment or witless thugs, it pays to be able to repair things with a minimum of fuss.

Message-An excellent way to pass messages, weather in a king's court or a dragon's lair.

Open/Close-Useful for the wary or those who wish to make an entrance. A worthwhile spell, but there are others likely to grant greater rewards.

Penumbra-Unless you find yourself working with someone who suffers under bright light (or you are yourself so afflicted) this spell is of little value. But in those cases, it may alleviate discomfort.

Prestidigitation-An immeasurably useful spell. From keeping you wardrobe clean, to creating paperweights on the fly, to ensuring you look appropriately dramatic when confronting common folk, this spell should always be available to you. As a matter of fact, I regularly make use of it to cover up the unfortunate odors of a number of my traveling companions.

Ray of Frost-Like Acid Splash or Jolt, a minor attack spell. Rarely worth the effort.

Read Magic-Yes.

Resistance-A minor defensive aid, but a useful one. Also a cornerstone of defensive item crafting.

Root-Situationally useful, but if you know in advance you will be fighting a foe who utilizes such tactics, this spell can be helpful.

Scoop-Buy a bottle, use Mage Hand.

Spark-Useful utility. No longer worry about carrying a flint or needing a taper to light your study. If applied creatively, can also have combat applications.

Touch of Fatigue-Any spell that forces you into reach of your enemies is a spell better left alone. 

A day in the death of Mortimer

And with one last whack of Ambros' Earth-breaker, The Arch-Wizard Mortimer hits the floor

--------------------------------------------

Francis takes Mortimer by the elbow and leads him away from the Line of Judgement.

"We need to stop meeting like this, Mortimer"

"Well, I keep dying" Mortimer said sheepishly

"So I've seen" Francis flexed his shoulders, showing off his newly gained finery. "I've gained a lot of assets on this plane recently. What do you need, in order to do this a bit more successfully?"

"Uhmmmm," Mortimers brow crinkled in concentration "what can you give me?"

"How about a regiment of troops? I'm sure you can find a use for them"

"Hobgoblins? Hobgoblins are good!" Mortimers eyes lit up

"Hobgoblins are good" Francis agreed. "Tabitha seems to be settling in well. I'm sure she could make something out of them"

Mortimer grinned for a moment, before suddenly remembering something

"Oh! I have something you might be interested in"

"Yes?" Francis raised an eyebrow

"A powerful unholy sword, taken from an anti-paladin I killed"

"Yes, I saw that. You do me proud. To be honest, there isn't much of a market for one of those. If you sold it with the shield though, I might be able to find someone"

"Oh" Mortimer looked a bit crestfallen

"They're a matched set." Francis shrugged slightly. "People would be interested in relics of this pedigree. The paladins essence still clings to them, you see. If you're intent on selling them, let me give you some money for them and I'll go find a buyer"

Mortimers brow crinkles again "I'll have to talk to the party about it. I'm not sure the dwarf would be interested in letting go of that shield"

"Yes, that dwarf" Francis sighed "Well, let me know. I presume your comrades are going to bring you back?"

"Yea, I think so"

"Good. You can do this the old fashioned way this time then. I'll talk to you soon, 'Lawbringer'"

Tabitha

"By Orcus's ball-sack, that better not be Castle Calaelen!"
Minty looks back at Tabitha in confusion, but soon gets distracted by another tuft of grass.
Tabitha slowly draws in a breath, holds it for a moment, then slowly lets it out again. "A promise is a promise. Come on you mangy mongrel, lets get going"
With a loving pat, Tabitha and Minty make their way towards their new home

Sitting high on her horse, Tabitha strikes an odd figure. She's slightly shorter than an average woman and rather plain looking. Her soft brown eyes match her shoulder length brown hair, and her slightly tanned face is neither particuarly attractive or repellant. You'd normally describe her as forgettable, if it wasn't for the uneasy feeling you get around her - that it would be best to keep an eye on her the way you would with a "domesticated" wolf.

Her towershield is clearly finely crafted, but unadorned. Her set of spiked fullplate however, is covered in various lines, shapes and spirals embossed in the surface which appear chaotic at first glance, but those with an understanding of mathematics (decent engineering or arcana score) work out that they are an artistic expression of various formulae. Despite her heavily armed appearance, she doesn't appear to be carrying any weapons.

A soft spoken woman, she is generally polite and well mannered. Despite this, you know that while she bends easily, it would take a lot to break her.

Her spellcasting is clearly her cathartic release. She yells abuse and insults, and screams in rage.

Bless
"You fight the way my Grandmother shits. ALL OVER THE PLACE AND WITH NO ENTHUSIASM!"
"Make him BLEEEEEED you worthless swine!"
"Run away and I will CUT YOU!"

Cure Wounds
"Suck it up, you sugarplum"
"Unless you want worse, stop your bitching"

Heat Metal
"I hope I set your pubes on fire!"
"BUUUURRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNN!" *roared*

Mend
"Fucking idiots, breaking their fucking stuff. I'm tempted to break their fucking heads. I'm not some lowly fucking craftsman"  *mumbled under breath*

A fragment of Snookums' journal you found while snooping.

Thrag Stoneheart lived to 370 years and begat Uldor and Koth, after resettling the Stoneheart Valley;
and Koth the Hammer begat Booz and his brethren;
and Booz the Boozy begat Thamar and Izak;
and Thamar Giantsbane begat Krath and Horth, about the time of the Goat Cultists;
and Krath Wraithswrath begat Eron and his brethren;
and Eron the Relentless begat Narvi and Dain during a particularly wet winter;
and Narvi the Smith begat Balthor, Durin and Telchar;
and Balthor the Stout begat Revek, after returning from the Righteous March;
and Revek the Wizard begat Zarek and his brethren, as well as about 3,000 familiars;
and Zarek the Hulk begat Tharek, for he had a lisp;
and Tharek, called Doomcleaver by his army, begat Korg, Horg, Morg, Dorg, Lorg, Torg, Worg, Borg and Korg Junior, for he was both prodigious and unimaginative;
and Korg the Mighty lived to 357 and begat Egdod, who was heir to Korg's strength and wisdom, and Fusta, who was not;
and Fusta the Underwhelming begat Olrik, who wet the bed until he was 42;
and Olrik the Average begat Harrok and Grak, both disappointments to the Stoneheart clan during Bofred's lesser March;
and Grak begat [REDACTED], who was called Snookums by his nanny.