An Excerpt from the High Council Meeting, Summer 1789.


The council meeting is held inside the town-hall in Tsar. Apparently the Council always meets in the home city of the High Priest. Viktorin of Mitra is High Priestess, and is also the ‘host’, making sure everything is organised. Attendance is very low, although considering only Lords and High Lords are permitted to speak at the meeting it is understandable. There is about two dozen nobles and about the same number of guards.

On your way in you are asked to surrender all weapons and magic items, and are subjected to a professional but incredibly careful pat-down and search as the guards take 20 on their checks. You place your gear in a box and are promised it will be returned. You note that you’re not the only one needing to check gear.

The town-hall was not designed by anyone with a flair for imagination. A high dock has been furnished with four seats, on for each of the High Lords and one for the High Priest. Below, there are three semicircular rows of seats for the remaining nobles. Off to one side is another dock, where a speaker can address the nobles and still see the High Lords at the same time.

The guards are patrolling the upper level, and while their weapons are well made you see no magic sigils anywhere, odd considering Tsar is a magocracy. The explanation for this is the short black pillars placed liberally throughout the room. There’s no secret made that they emanate a permanent aura of antimagic field. Interestingly there’s the same pillars up where the guards patrol.

As the city bell tolls mid-day, High Priest Viktorin steps down to the speaker’s dock.

Victorin: (A slightly overweight woman in very plain robes of Mitra. She has short brown hair and has a look of forced cheer) I call to order the Summer of seventeen-eighty-nine meeting of the High Lords and Lords to discuss and preserve this land of the Stoneheart Valley. I speak on behalf of Mitra, and all the faiths of the people. I bless this ceremony, as our land is beautiful and dangerous, and we must be ever vigilant and selfless to protect our land.

All: Vigilance and selflessness protects our land.

Victorin: One does not speak unless addressed and recognised by this Council. I recognise the High Lords of our Council, High Lord Mayor Deverin of Sandpoint

Deverin: (A middle aged, athletic man with short dark hair and a stylish moustache and goatee. He looks like he spent some time on his appearance, but his smile is genuine) I attend!

Victorin: High Lord Regent Rolth of Skor

Rolth: (A fat halfling with a magnificent greying-red beard. He looks every bit the merchant king, although he does not look comfortable) I attend!

Victorin: High Lady High Arcanist Teyr’anaric of Tsar. (No one seems to be bothered with the oddly stacked titles)

Teyr’anaric: (A well-preserved elven lady, clearly many hundreds of years old. There’s clear lines on her neck and hands where jewelry has been removed. In typical elven style she still has waist-length hair, although it is thin and white) I attend.

Victorin: We would now recognise the Lords of the Land. High Lord Deverin, whom do you recognise?

Deverin: I recognise Lord Ethram Vlademar, for his role in aiding the businesses of Sandpoint

Ethram: (A clone of Deverin, or at least just copying his fashion. The two are clearly friends) I accept!

Deverin: I recognise Lord Archmage Fondon Mirthsphere, and in his absence Lady Mogriss for his role as Archmage of the Stoneheart Valley.

Mogriss: (You’ve seen this woman before, although she’s cut her hair and cleaned herself up. You found this attractive blonde woman among the basilisk's statues. Now in wizard’s robes she looks every bit the mage she claimed to be) “I apologise on behalf of the Archmage, and accept”

Deverin: I do not recognise another.

Rolth: I recognise Lady Jedden for her role as Guildmaster of Skor

Jedden: (This middle-aged hippie looking woman seems to have zoned out, but the moment her name is called she snaps back and answers right away) I accept

Rolth: I recognise Lord Arrat Weyld for his role as Protector of Skor and captain of the Purple Ribbon Knights

Arrat: (You don’t recognise this martial man, but he wears a the uniform of a guard of Skor or Tarren’s Junction. He doesn’t look terribly pleased to be here) I accept!

Rolth: I recognise Lord Mayor Lennithal Marcone for his role as Mayor of Tarren’s Junction

Lennithal: (You doubt you’ve seen a shorter gnome, he can’t be an inch over 3ft when standing. He also has a very serious expression) I accept

Rolth: I recognise Janice Rockpick for her role in coordinating naval trade within the Stoneheart Valley, and her role with Ironclad Goods and Services.

Janice: (The dwarven lady looks very businesslike and also a little timid. Her clothes and accent do not mark her as someone who spends much time around other dwarves) I accept.

Rolth: I do not recognise another

You spot Illden Aerim across the room demonstrating a poker face Rhombodazzle himself would be jealous of.

Teyr’anaric:  I recognise Lady Abby Mirrax, for her role in coordinating the naval defences of the Valley.

Mirrax: (Mirrax looks totally relaxed. She’s clearly enjoying this and is dressed very differently to normal, in very gaudy attire with big bangles and cheap gems sewn into her leather armor) I accept!

Teyr’anaric:  I vouch for Arbiter High Priestess Victorin of Mitra. I nominate Abbott Daram Foeblade to speak on her behalf, so she may remain impartial

Daram: (Daram is the incredibly old near-blind dwarven priest of Mitra who runs the temple at Tarren’s Junction. While Victorin calls Tsar home and Daram lives in the Skor-aligned Tarren’s Junction, it’s clear the laws for the High Priestess are without borders) I accept.

Teyr’anaric: I do not recognise another.

Victorin: I recognise Lord Peng Yan.

Peng: (An aberdeenian, but lacking in finery. Yan looks like he’s seen more sun than most Aberdeenians, and his expression is cautious and reserved) I accept.

Victorin: We note in absence Lady Celia of Tsuen and High Chief Lord Rukki Ironvein. High Lord Ironvien has sent a letter saying he abstains from all matters.
Is there any here who feel their claim has gone unmentioned?

You try not to notice that all eyes briefly swivel towards Illden. (I think I notice anyway, seems pretty obvious)

Shades: Why yes, actually, High Council. I have some words, if you fine folk’ll do me the pleasure o’ hearin’ them out.

Victorin: The house hears the Tengu. What is your name, and what claim do you have? Be brief, if you would.

Eyes are now on you. Illden’s face is as blank as a golem. Mirrax is trying to hide laughter with no real success.

Shades: The name is Pezzack Highroost, but the few o’ you I already done business with will know me as Shades. I am the current inheritor o’ The Great Downwards Engineering Company, as well as the Lordship over Mosswood the great Lady Calaelen herself once enjoyed. My wish today is merely to have what’s already on paper officially recognized by your fine selves, Council.

Victorin: Forgive me Mister Highroost, but the Duchy of Mosswood was property of Maybeth Calaelen. You are no child of hers. I do not think you grasp the gravity here. Lordships are not an inherited title. No paper you can hold give you a title unless you are part of the royal bloodlines.

Shades: As far as memory serves me Maybeth Calaelen weren’t really the child-havin’ type, but on account o’ not bein’ even the slightest touch Elven, I ain’t gonna waste the Council’s time arguin’ such a thing. Now there ain’t a paper I could hold that could bypass such a condition, but what about a magically bound agreement described on said paper?

If Victorin is surprised she hides it well

Victorin: If you have the deed to Calaelen’s estate and Company, I would like very much to see it. Rolth is our resident expert on such things, I am sure he could verify it. Would you be so kind Mister Highroost?

Shades: I can certainly oblige you and the High Lord Regent, Arbiter. I assure you I wouldn’t be here, a Tengu claimin’ the inheritance o’ an Elven legend, if I weren’t convinced I had a case.

An aide passes the papers to Victorin. She studies them for a moment, then passes them to Jedden. Some of the council chats among themselves while others watch you in a curious silence. Mogriss flashes you a smile, and Mirrax pulls a face. Illden maintains her golem-like expression, and you get the feeling that she could keep her expression blank in front of anything short of a dragon.

Jedden: These papers are genuine. The paperwork attached and the seal names the Highroost family as heirs to the deed to Castle Calaelen and its surrounds, as well as the right to run The Great Downward Engineering Company free of taxes by this Council.

Victorin: In that case, welcome to the Stoneheart Valley, Highroost. The deed entitles you to a lot of land but I have heard you stake no claim over it, and most of it has long since been swallowed up by other duchies.

Peng: If I may interrupt, Arbiter?

There’s no surprise here. Victorin looks like she was waiting for him to speak up. She nods.

Peng: The land around Castle Calaelen was passed to House Yan during the treaty of Amoreen. Calaelen built on that land and claimed it as her own. Now that she has departed we would say the land is once again property of House Yan and Aberdeen. This tengu cannot hold land by law, and must therefore pass the treaty back to us.

Victorin: A claim, perhaps even a casus belli. What say you to that, Highroost?

Shades: Aw, and there I was thinkin’ Lord Yan and I were gonna be friends. (no you didn’t)

What say I? I say House Yan has itself an interestin’ set o’ priorities if it wanted to start a war over Calaelen’s old property. I mean, have you seen Castle Calaelen lately? My company and I have sunk a hefty amount gold and effort into dollin’ it up, and it’s still an awful riot. House Yan had all the time imaginable to reclaim the property from the infestation o’ kobold squatters it used to have, and yet only now is it showin’ any interest.

And the land? I don’t know how familiar Lord Yan is with the geography outside o’ Aberdeen’s borders, but the land’s sittin’ right on top o’ Rappan Athuk. The dungeon. Home o’ Greznek, and the Sunken Graveyard, and whatever awful place the last o’ the Righteous March finally met their equally awful fate. When they were tryin’ to rout out Orcus himself from the premises. This ain’t prime farmin’ land, unless you’re plannin’ on farmin’ the undead. It ain’t prime anythin’.

House Yan has had the opportunity to object to Mosswood’s borders and the Calaelens’ property literally for centuries. I think it’s safe to say this objection really ain’t about the land, Arbiter, it’s about my face. I would kindly suggest that Lord Yan gets used to it, as takin’ back the Calaelens’ old land doesn’t remove my ownership of the Great Downward Engineering Company, nor the seat the Calaelens have given me on this Council. And whether he likes it or not, my seat is equal to his own.

Finally losing any pretense at composure, Lady Mirrax Abbatha Teribeth begins to loudly applaud, drawing no kind looks from Peng or Victorin. Deverin and his cronies seem to think this is funny as well. Mogriss flashes you another smile. It’s quite clear some people take this meeting more seriously than others.

Victorin: Settle down. Highroost, Rappan Athuk is well known to the council. We have entire religions to it’s maw. Claiming to be fighting the orcusites does not make you a Lord or a hero, merely a tengu with a significantly reduced lifespan.

Peng Yan smiles and relaxes.

Deverin: Hear me out, High Priestess. When Aberdeen converted to Abadar, the treaty of Amoreen was rendered invalid, as the treaty was blessed by Mitra. When Aberdeen  closed it’s borders, they gave up the Calaelen estate, essentially abandoning it to the wolves. Zombies. Zombie wolves. Whatever is out there.
My scouts inform me that Mister Highroost and his band have cleared the local area of bandits and established regular patrols. I am told they’re also trading, Mayor Lennithal

Lennithal does not look like he wants to be dragged into this.

Lennithal: I have not taken part in any trade or seen any tax papers from Mister Highroost. Perhaps Rockpick has had dealings

Buck successfully passed, Lennithal resumes his stern expression. Put on the spot Janice Rockpick moves one step closer to panic.

Janice: Ironclad have uh, that is to say, we have extended the Ferry run, as in, we have been treating them as an extension of Zelkor’s ferry. I have not signed a trade agreement!

Mirrax is in danger of dying from a popped rib. Rolth looks at his subordinates with an expression that says “I will be speaking with both of you later”.

Deverin airily waves his hand as if nothing has happened.

Deverin: Trade is happening. Patrols are happening. Glodsson Heavy Industries have been hired to make repairs. To the sum of 265 platinum, not a minor amount by any man’s pockets.

Deverin is watching your face carefully.

Deverin: I have heard no reports of mistreatment or cruelty from Calaelen’s citizens, or at least no cruelty from inside Calaelen’s borders.

Peng Yan looks very cross suddenly.

Deverin: I move for a vote to make Highroost Mayor of Calaelen and it’s surrounds. Do you object to the vote, Highroost?

Shades: No High Lord Deverin, a fair and free vote is more than I’ve received for most my lifetime so I ain’t gonna object. But before said vote is made, I humbly request to make known the full spread o’ achievements the Great Downward Engineerin’ Company has made durin’ its short time under my lead.

Teyr’anaric: I do not know you Tengu. Nor have I seen you in prophecy or my divinations. This means you are either an exception, or you are just a soul who‘s stumbled in out of the metaphorical rain, and will soon be on their way. I will hear you, youngling, but be brief. We have important matters to attend to. While this may amuse my younger fellows, I am all too aware of the passage of time.

Shades: Why I thank you, High Lady...High Arcanist. (he’s a bit uncomfortable/unfamiliar with all the stacked titles but he’ll get there one day) Here’s to hopin’ I’m part o’ the exception camp, as the other option ain’t bodin’ too well for my business.

Some centuries ago some highly decorated servants o’ Sarenrae came to Mosswood to investigate the plague runnin’ rife ‘round the area. Despite their efforts and dedication they met an untimely end in the Mouth o’ Doom, as many have unfortunately done, and their work towards curin’ the plague was lost. Durin’ our expeditions the Great Downward Engineering Company discovered what they were up against- a great ghastly glabrezu payin’ lip service to Tsathogga. Usin’ what the brave but lost company o’ Sarenrae had left behind, and through our own efforts and bravery, the Great Downwards Engineering Company was able to defeat the demon. Not only is Mosswood free from its plague, but the memory o’ their work has now been preserved, a holy fountain o’ Sarenrae’s has been restored, a lost artifact o’ Sarenrae’s recovered, and the medical knowledge uncovered from the expedition is now bein’ translated by yours truly, so that it may be shared with those who need it in these tryin’ times.

I ain’t been to Doren’s Hold myself but I don’t need to to know that the dwarves there are in some frightful trouble lately. Doren’s Hold is lookin’ at evacuation, which is its own mighty tragedy. As actin’ Lord in the area I have allowed Doren’s Hold to relocate their sick and injured to my land, and I have asked for no payment or service for this kindness. I have even allowed the dwarves o’ Doren’s Hold to build a new runeforge o’ Dwerfater on my own premises, so that they may have at least one holy place left, small as it may be, should the Hold sadly fall to the horrors tearin’ it open from within.

The work o’ the Great Downwards Engineering Company has ended the banditin’ careers o’ three o’ the most notorious bandits prowlin’ Mosswood’s lands. With the death o’ Bloody Jackson and his crew, and neutralization o’ Hengsha and her Runners, the eastern coast is a much safer place to travel and trade, as I’m sure Lady Mirrax and perhaps Lady Janice will attest. The death o’ Dorrag has placed his troupe in disarray, and with only the largely non-lethal Korrak at large, the land is much safer as well.

The Great Downwards Engineering Company has flushed a lot o’ needed new money into the area, made it stronger, healthier, and safer for all. We do not discriminate against those who fall upon hard times, or those look different to us. If voted for as Mayor of Calaelen and its surrounds I will continue this line o’ work, and even if I don’t I’ll continue it anyway as head of the Great Downwards Engineering Company.

You are somewhat distracted by Mirrax doing her best tengu-beak impression while you speak.

Teyr’anaric: Young folk have no concept of the passage of time. You see your deeds as something strong and meaningful, and perhaps to one as young as you your words seem worth the time it takes to say them. You’ve made friends as well as enemies in your short time here. I will allow this to go to a vote.

Victorin: This is the vote to declare Highroost as Mayor of Castle Calaelen and it’s township. You will be required to fulfill your duties and to patrol your own lands, or failing that you must pay another to keep them safe. You are forbidden -

Victorin looks for a long moment at Peng Yan, then back at you

Victorin: - from hostile action against any other members of this council. You are forbidden from taxing trades between Council states. You are forbidden from allowing hostile states or people past your borders

This time eyes turn to Illden.

Victorin: Finally, you are forbidden from taxing any workers on your lands if they are a member of another Council state. There are more rules, but first we may as well seem what happens with the vote.

Deverin: Calaelen was a friend of my family for a long time. I would love nothing more than to see her memory honored. I am for it.

Someone get Mirrax a cleric.

Rolth: Calaelen isn’t here. We’re doing well. We’re at the end of a silver era, I see no need to throw titles at Adventurers who stumble in out of the rain. I oppose.

Teyr’anaric: I am with Rolth. Although you, Rolth earned your title with wealth, you won by popular vote. I will allow the people to decide. I abstain.

Victorin: Then the vote goes to the Lords. Who would vote?

Jedden: I support my Lord Rolth. I oppose

Arrat: I support my Lord Rolth. I oppose

Lennithal: I support my Lord Rolth. I oppose

Janice: I support my Lord Rolth. I oppose

Janice gets a nasty look from Mirrax which seems to genuinely unnerve her.

Peng: I oppose.

Mogriss: Wow. No hard feelings, but High Lord Rolth I bet I can make you a set of golems for less than what you’re paying these guys.

Victorin: Do you have a vote, Lady Mogriss?

Mogriss: On behalf of the Archmage Fondon, I am for the motion.

Ethram: I too, am for it.

Daram:  Cleared out one of the old hospices, and then filled it with dwarves. As a priest and a dwarf you got me coming and going. I am for the motion

Mirrax: You hate this don’t you? This actually hurts you. Watching a bird flap around a ruined castle with a bunch of divine murderers actually causes you physical pain. I am for the motion.

Victorin: I have a letter here from High Lord Rukki Ironvein. While he cannot vote as a High Lord as he is not recognised, I will cast my vote as he would cast it. Blessings of dwerfater, tengu. I am for the motion. Sadly, we are tied, and I cannot act as Arbiter as I have voted on behalf of the dwarves. Is there another here who would be recognised and vote?

You hear a whisper in your ear from a well-dressed lady sitting next to you.


Noble Lady: How much is this worth to you?

Shades: Sentimentally? A great deal. Word o’ a Tengu Lord could mean everythin’ to my people, or anyone who wants to ruffle some comfortable feathers. But that ain’t what you’re askin’, is it Madam (Madam? Miss? Lady?)?

Noble Lady: How much gold can you offer me to stand up and vote in your favor?

Shades: Does one thousand buy your kindness?

Noble Lady: How about two. One now, and one later.

Shades: Harsh deal you’re drivin’ but I don’t got many options. It’s a deal.

Noble Lady: My name is Maya D’Larariel, High Arcanist of Tsuen, Gateway of the Lower Dales. While I do not wish to take my seat on the Council, I do have something to say. We heard a bard’s tale of a Dalish catfolk who was chosen by Rhombodazzle and went with her people to glory. Shades here is the leader of that company, and I would be honored to have him take stewardship of Castle Calaelen. Thank you.

Victorin: Then the vote is done. One vote to one, Five to six. Mayor Highroost, Calaelen is yours. On behalf of the council and all gathered here today, do not make us regret it. Your application for Lordship is denied. You are not in control of all people within your domain, and as long as the “Bandit King” Corrack is about, you cannot even claim to be the person with the most needless title in your domain. Thank you for all your words, but please sit. As you are not a lord you are not entitled to speak for the duration of this meeting. Now, High Lord Deverin, you may address the council.


/fin/

Musings of an Orc 004 - No longer his Mothers son


I do not know what Mother would think of recent events, as I have taken my fate in my own hands. This both scares and excites me. She would still be be proud of me. She would be proud of my goals. I do not know if she would be proud of my methods.

The tale begins with our return from the main entrance of Rappan Athuk. We were accosted by the villain Corrak and her band. He (she?) was more interested in talking in circles and indulging in a little blood play than straight robbery, which I admit I thought was unusual for a bandit. I defended my Lords honour by fighting in his steed, and I was soundly and systematically hacked apart. Adding to my shame, my Lords other comrades jumped in, preventing my deserved death. As a final insult, Corrak took my Hydra. And my gold. But mostly my Hydra.

Mother always counselled patience. I admit, I understand why. But the way I saw it, I had lost face and I should have been dead. It was an appropriate time to take a risk.

I had seen the raw power of the Galabrezu. I had seen the well ordered strength of Axis. I had seen the wisdom and glory of the Angels. I needed access to that sort of outerworldly essence. So I spent my time hassling Lettus, or Lannis or whatever his name is. I read up on the Outer Planes. I spent my time asking any other educated person I could find.

Finally, I made contact. He understood my problems and motivations. He understood I was up against Orcus and Rappun Athuk and he shared my disgust. However, he disapproved of me trying to get personal strength and instead offered to help me better lead my forces against that damned dungeon. All he needed was a commitment from me.

I held off initially, but seeing the opportunity to usurp a bandit Captain I made my decision. I performed the ritual, felt the outworldly power, challenged the Captain and died. I can't draw pictures well enough to fully express my displeasure at this turn of events.

However, my soul was intercepted as it departed. He and I had another chat, and I was offered a second chance. I took it. As Aggy would say, I went balls deep. My soul was returned, my body was healed, and I managed to win the day.

What happens from here on out only the Gods know, but somehow I don't think Mother would approve of her son carrying Archon blood.

I hope she doesn't decide to haunt me

The ballard of Kruin and Srillex


Gah. These bloody people, can’t even swim to save themselfs.  Tha fac they all almoss drowned tha other day on that shitty boat dinna teach em nuthin. Guess I gotta swim through that hole.  What’s that big blue thing? Fuck!

Kill Merrax hey?  No problem, I can get at her.  I have the blood of fiends in my veins, nothing these foolish mortals can do can stop me.

Hmm, that didn’t go so well, who’d have thought that damn innkeeper was so competent.  I thought he was just an overcharging idiot.  Oh well, even if his cellar is well locked they’ll have to take me to Tarren’s for trial, and I know all the tricks for escaping boats.

Shit, what are you people doing with those ropes?  You haven't let em stand trial!

What all these people waitin in line for?  Been waitin too long, am sick o this, none these people movin.  Gonna go see what’s up tha front, waitin in line is for weak folk.

What’s this line?  Where are we?  Why is that obnoxious lady shoving everyone?

Who that comin to talk ta me?  Wanna say something do you weird lookin creature?  Wanna get me out a this line?  Good, am sick a this line.

What’s that thing speaking to the obnoxious lady?  Is she getting out of the line?  I want to get out too!

Gah, whats did place?  That stupid necroman who can’t actually do any magic?  What my doin here?  Aggy looks pleased at least, why Snookums and Mortima so disappointed?  Fuck, what happened to ma arm?  Got big chunks oh me don look right?

So, arm not so bad, look funny but really strong, swinging axe way easier now.  Gonna go fight pirates now.  Maybe rest a tha company can learn ta swim while we at it, maybe if they coulda done that in the first place wouldn’t a have to fight that bloody snake by maself. Bet that fella Killingwash can swim though, he seem like he know the sea.

Boats.  Is this the boat to Tarrens?  No, I’m free, I escaped, huh.  Now, must find Merrax, the guild wont be happy if I come back to them having failed on my first contract.  This looks like one of her boats.  Wait, since when could I shoot lighting?

Always said pirates are dumb, though I do like their cloths.  Reminds me, need ta sew up jacket, full o holes from snake bite now.  Maybe the new arm is good at sewin too.  Maybe everything better now, maybe now I’m got some kind o super powers and cant die agin.  Lets see, one bunch o pirates left, the shark changing people in that boat that we made crash good.  Lets take em out.

Hah, take that Jackson, cut you to bits idiot! This is fucking weird, I’m going crazy!  Ok, don’t get carried away, once I take out Merrax I can get out of here.  Wait, I see someone coming this way, they look like a sailor.  Calm down, stop being so angry, concentrate.  Is it Merrax?  It must be! Kill Merrax, Kill!  Huh, got he,r cut her clean in half with my axe!  Since when did I fight with an axe?  No, what’s happened to me!  By almighty Jah, what I just do?

Sharks and Stuff

I saw my second castle ever today! It was so much cooler than the castle that we're in right now, but I guess that was because of the wind. It was pretty windy. Windy enough to fly in for some of us, though not me, because I didn't need to fly anywhere, because I'm totally smart like that.

I wonder if Laniss can make me fly? It would be pretty awesome for a little bit.

Anyway, we got into the second castle because we headed back to the place with the big teleporter thing that was trapped with something or other. It was kind of a really lame trap, because all it did was teleport us to the second castle. Is it really a trap if it's the intended purpose of a device? I don't think it is, it's more of a device. A trap is totally something that you don't expect, or something that interferes in the normal operation of a device. Maybe the platform was supposed to teleport you somewhere, but the 'trap' (totally using inverted commas there to imply it isn't a real trap!) teleports you to a DIFFERENT place? And then the stupid who made it can be all “Haha! I trapped you, and you don't even know it!”

Except you wouldn't hear him because you'd be in the other place. Real stupid.

So we got back from the second castle before it hit some big chunks of ice because it was totally going to do that, and went to the other teleporter place, with the teleporter that took us to the cemetary that one time. So we used the other one, and it was kind of alright, but there were SHARKS.

HUGE SHARKS. So awesome. I shot one! I bet Siurly would have liked the sharks, too. They were big and vicious, and I shot one (so did the bird) and all the other sharks ate it instead of us! I wish Siurly could have been there. Aww.

Of course, Siurly would have totally freaked out because of the water, because that's where sharks live, obviously. And we were kind of sailing over it in a really badly put together boat. Really bad, I mean, Jamon makes better boats and he kind of sucks at it. I hope he doesn't read this at any point! If you ARE reading this, Jamon, STOP IT NOW THIS IS PERSONAL STUFF GOSH.

Annnyway, Siurly hated the water ever since her second nameday, which kind of makes it obvious why she hated the stuff, even if it was totally silly of her. Oh well! I think I need to get a lot of sleep, all this walking is pretty tough!

Snookums and the Red Dragon

[SCENE: On the boat from Tarren’s Junction to Zelkor’s Ferry. Everyone is tired and likely trying to figure out exactly how they are alive gods damn.]

Shades: I weren't just garglin' sake for a day, weren't I? I mean, Aberdeen's finest rice piss occasionally got a burn to it but it ain't gonna make you see Rhombodazzle's amazin' manticore tapdancin’ circus if they ain't actually waggin’ their stingtails right in front o' you.

So yesterday the Great Downward did fall through the fuckin’ infinite skies o’ the Plane o’ Air. In a castle. And we did scramble outta a shark infested reef in a leaky wooden boat. And Kruin was a useful member o’ the company.

Oh and Snookums parleyed a suit o’ mystery armour outta a great red dragon. What in the great wobblin’ dewlaps o’ Tsathogga happened between you and that magic lizard?

Snookums: Ah... that. Well yeh see, he was scared of me.

[Shades scratches around the side of his head, where the ear holes are.]

Shades: Sorry I musta got down in my ears. I thought I heard you say that an adult dragon was scared o’ a little dwarf.

Snookums: This here wax seal on my armour is the symbol o’ the Thaurissians. A long time ago they nearly wiped out all o’ the red wyrms. Apparently this whelp knew enough about 'em to be wary. Once I noticed his courage flaggin’, I pushed and he yielded.

Shades: Thaurissian... that floatin’ Oracle skull and Agamemnon have both uttered that word here and there. Do we actually have even the slightest idea what they are?

Snookums: As far as I ken, they were a nation or a noble house, some 10,000 years ago. I don’t think there are any left, me’self excepted, o’course.

Shades: Right, so you are one o’ these Thaurissian folk, they ain’t just mistakin’ your face.

Snookums: Kinda... Remember about 6 weeks ago, I got a sending from Tsar and left to attend the funeral o’ my aunt’s niece’s cousin once-removed? Bleer was ‘er name. Lovely lass, always quick wit’ an ale an’ a story. Died the way a dwarf should.

..Well among her possessions was a rather fetching signet ring. Once I had joined the caravan back to Tarren’s Junction I had time to try it on. It fit well on my left hand, so I left it on. That night I had the most incredible dream. When I awoke, It was days later and I was on the boat back towards Zelkor’s. I was sunburnt, and my armor had this wax seal attached to it.

Shades: A bird would normally think this kind o’ suggestion is downright cutsnake crazy, but that bird ain’t ever had a day like the one we just scraped through. Do you think the dream your dear old Bleer’s ring gave you had any impact here in the wakin’ world? Like say, made you one o’ these Thaurissian folk?

Snookums: Y’know it might just be. The dreams I been havin’, I was part o’ an army o’ dwarves and elves fightin’ red wyrms in the desert. Some part of it affected our world, ‘coz I actually learned some new skills there and even came back wit’ new shields too! The second time I went back was more o’ the same wyrm-huntin’ and slayin’. I haven’t gone back since ‘coz we been busy here and I did nae’ want to miss a thing.

Shades: O’ course. Who’d want to go to glorious dwarven battle against dragons when there’s a dirty cave in the Stoneheart Valley yet to investigate? I like your spirit son.

So what about this suit? Ready to show it off to the Mouth o’ Doom’s nastiest, or is it some kind o’ ornamental piece?

Snookums: Well in mah expert opinion, it’s as good as the day it was forged. A lil’ dusty, but whoever made this would be offended if I didn’ use it! I still want t’ know more about the Thaurissians, however. And this enchantment that confounds our wizard concerns me. I think it best that I take the armour to Doren’s Hold and learn what I can. By your leave, o’course.

Shades: Fine by the boss, Snooks. The Mouth o’ Doom just sent us on one hell ovva ride and it might be best for everyone and my poundin’ headache that we spend a little time not scramblin’ for our places on this mortal coil. The treasure ain’t goin’ nowhere.

Agamemnon: I’d be happy to accompany you, Snookums.

[Snookums nods in agreement as he leans back. Silence falls on the Great Downward as everyone rests.]

Rules are Rules

Some days, I wonder if I'm some kind of oracle or truthsayer, because I totally called it! We found our way out of the maze thing, though the others didn't let me poke at this huge teleport platform thing that I told them was trapped, because it obviously was. I can't believe none of them didn't see that until I told them! But yeah, they wouldn't let me do anything with it beyond tell them that it was there, because the trap was totally integrated into the platform thing, and if I was going to deactivate it, then it probably would have broken the platform. Not the stone part, but the stuff that made it teleportational or whatever that word would be. Note to self, ask Laniss if that's a word.

So we avoided that big thing, and there were some chain devil guys that wanted us to fight hydras, which was kind of fun, but then the weird lady with the lightning magic, Kruin, decided to attack the chain devil guys, which was so totally dumb. Ugh. But we got out of there because the orc guy and the not-so-orc guy are pretty good at hitting things! Then we ended up at the big scary cemetery at the front of Rappun Athuk, which was kind of not good, because we were supposed to be heaps far away in the other direction. We had a pretty easy solution to it though, we kind of just walked out.

That was when we met this girl (I think, it's kind of hard to tell when they're shapeshifters) called Corrack. KING Corrack, apparently! Anyway, they were pretty nice, to be honest. Very respectful and business like, which I totally appreciate! Turns out that 'king' means 'of the bandits', which was a little bit less nice, but they were acting more like the tax people Laniss sometimes talks about. But yeah, that was all going alright, sure, they wanted some of our gold, but only a bit, but that's when Kruin spoke up again and told the guy (girl? I don't know!) that the bird was totally the rightful lord of the land. UGH SO STUPID I DON'T EVEN WHAT SERIOUSLY. I mean who does that? UGH.

But yeah, so the king girl (guy?) challenged Shades to a duel to the death, with the orc guy accepted instead, even though he was so obviously outclassed. It was kind of neat how the king person (personette?) changed themselves to look like the orc guy and even use the same weapon. But yeah, our orc guy was about to get slashed all to death and stuff, when UGH I DON'T EVEN WANT TO WRITE HER NAME GOSH. When she totally jumped in and broke the rules! Along with the bird and the dwarf guy, though he was a little slower because of all that armour he wears. And with being short, I guess? Anyway, Laniss and I headed off then, because we totally didn't want anything to do with breaking rules.

But somehow, they all escaped alive, and met up with us again at the place with the ferry and the really creepy innkeeper (who I think might be allergic to silver maybe. Note to self, test this later). And so we headed back to the castle!

Of course when we got there, the door was shut, and people were being dumb. But we got in anyway, because Laniss is smart about that sort of thing. You can really tell that he went to school! But yes, we got back in, and everything was fine for a bit.

Then the bird told us that guy that looks after the horses had totally killed himself, because the bird had to fire him for being the dumbest one about the whole locking us out of the castle for dumb reasons thing. Total overreaction, I guess, but maybe he just couldn't stand to leave the castle? It is kind of neat looking.

Laniss is totally reading over my shoulder. He swears he isn't, but he just rolled his eyes as I wrote that last bit about the castle.

Anyway, that's enough about current events and all, let's talk about other stuff for a bit! Okay, now he's rolling his eyes at me pretending to write in conversation with this book. Spoilsport.

Right, so. I totally miss home! Sure, it's not much to look at, especially compared with this castle, but it's still home, you know? And I miss everyone from there, even Jamon! Mother is also dearly missed, though I know she's always thinking about me. I hope she doesn't feel too bad about Siurly dying, though. I don't like it when she's sad!