Ad Vitam

Kubler closed his eyes.

~~~~~~

Kubler felt sunlight on his face, warming him.  There was a sound, in the distance; he would make it out soon, but the sound already made him happy.  The next sensation was the rough prickle of hay beneath him, and he crunched it in his hands.  He was sitting on a bale of hay, in the sun, and there was ... a sound, people, playing.  He would identify the sound soon, but he was already happy.  There was a scent in the air, hay, of course, and grass, long country grass, freshly scythed, and something ... buttercups.  They had such a subtle scent but at this time of the year, if you closed your eyes and let the tamed wind blow over you, you could inhale lungs full of cut grass and hay, and delicate buttercups.

Kubler opened his eyes.  It was early autumn.  The sun was still warm in the Stoneheart Valley this year.  There was work to be done to prepare for the winter, but for now he could relax - they could all relax and enjoy one of the beautiful days at the end of the growing season when everything was ripe and you could be satisfied with the harvest, knowing your hard work had paid off.

He identified the sound, and it was beautiful, but it also made him sad.  He looked out over the field.  Emi and Jez were chasing a rabbit.  The rabbit was quick, darting about.  Emi tripped on her skirt and rolled to a soft landing in the cushioning grass, causing both mother and daughter to burst into giggles.  The delicate sound of their laughter hit him right in the heart, and lifted him up.  It was a beautiful sound, and it made Kubler smile, and made him sad.

"Why don't you go to them?"

Kubler shook his head.  He watched his family scampering after the rabbit again.  They were never going to catch it, but it was fun to try.  "That's not how it works."

"I decide how it works."

Kubler slowly managed to take his eyes off the scene in the field and turned to regard the speaker, a tall woman in a black robe, her face bone white.  She was beautiful, and she made him sad.  "No.  You decide how death works.  You don't decide how life works."

The Pale Lady was closer, though Kubler hadn't seen her move.  "This is a window into what happens next.  This is where they are, in the endless fields.  They are happy here.  You could be happy here."

Kubler stared at his wife, Emi.  She was beautiful.  She wasn't more beautiful than she was in life.  She was as beautiful.  She was full of life, so vital, so happy.  He watched her face.  She wasn't perfectly happy, but she was happy, as happy as she had been in life.  It wasn't some idealised version of his wife, it wasn't some facsimile lacking the soul of his wife; it was her, and she was beautiful, and she made him sad.  As he watched a shadow crossed her face, and she looked around, searching.  She knew he was here, that he was watching.  She could never see him, but she could feel him, feel that he was watching her.  He ached to go to her, to run into the field, to pick up Jez and run with her, to hold his wife, to help them chase the rabbit, to fall down in the grass and lie in the sun and be happy.

"Kay!"

It was Agamemnon's voice.  He felt a hole open up behind him, a warping of the plane that tunneled back down to the prime material.  All he had to do was close his eyes, lie back down on the newly-baled hay, and fall back to the world.  All he had to do was stop looking at his beautiful family and be sad again.

"You don't have to go.  You know you don't.  Just die.  Die, and go to them."

Kubler shook his head.  He felt the cold fingers of the Lady on his shoulder but ignored them, wiping the tears from his eyes.  He took one last look at his beautiful family, and it made him sad.  "You don't die for the ones you love," he said, lying down on the prickly hay.  "You live for them."

Kubler closed his eyes.

~~~~~

Kubler opened his eyes.