The ballard of Kruin and Srillex


Gah. These bloody people, can’t even swim to save themselfs.  Tha fac they all almoss drowned tha other day on that shitty boat dinna teach em nuthin. Guess I gotta swim through that hole.  What’s that big blue thing? Fuck!

Kill Merrax hey?  No problem, I can get at her.  I have the blood of fiends in my veins, nothing these foolish mortals can do can stop me.

Hmm, that didn’t go so well, who’d have thought that damn innkeeper was so competent.  I thought he was just an overcharging idiot.  Oh well, even if his cellar is well locked they’ll have to take me to Tarren’s for trial, and I know all the tricks for escaping boats.

Shit, what are you people doing with those ropes?  You haven't let em stand trial!

What all these people waitin in line for?  Been waitin too long, am sick o this, none these people movin.  Gonna go see what’s up tha front, waitin in line is for weak folk.

What’s this line?  Where are we?  Why is that obnoxious lady shoving everyone?

Who that comin to talk ta me?  Wanna say something do you weird lookin creature?  Wanna get me out a this line?  Good, am sick a this line.

What’s that thing speaking to the obnoxious lady?  Is she getting out of the line?  I want to get out too!

Gah, whats did place?  That stupid necroman who can’t actually do any magic?  What my doin here?  Aggy looks pleased at least, why Snookums and Mortima so disappointed?  Fuck, what happened to ma arm?  Got big chunks oh me don look right?

So, arm not so bad, look funny but really strong, swinging axe way easier now.  Gonna go fight pirates now.  Maybe rest a tha company can learn ta swim while we at it, maybe if they coulda done that in the first place wouldn’t a have to fight that bloody snake by maself. Bet that fella Killingwash can swim though, he seem like he know the sea.

Boats.  Is this the boat to Tarrens?  No, I’m free, I escaped, huh.  Now, must find Merrax, the guild wont be happy if I come back to them having failed on my first contract.  This looks like one of her boats.  Wait, since when could I shoot lighting?

Always said pirates are dumb, though I do like their cloths.  Reminds me, need ta sew up jacket, full o holes from snake bite now.  Maybe the new arm is good at sewin too.  Maybe everything better now, maybe now I’m got some kind o super powers and cant die agin.  Lets see, one bunch o pirates left, the shark changing people in that boat that we made crash good.  Lets take em out.

Hah, take that Jackson, cut you to bits idiot! This is fucking weird, I’m going crazy!  Ok, don’t get carried away, once I take out Merrax I can get out of here.  Wait, I see someone coming this way, they look like a sailor.  Calm down, stop being so angry, concentrate.  Is it Merrax?  It must be! Kill Merrax, Kill!  Huh, got he,r cut her clean in half with my axe!  Since when did I fight with an axe?  No, what’s happened to me!  By almighty Jah, what I just do?

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