Ser Crusher

The Great Downwards Engineering Company was in the second temple. Gudmunds blood was still congealing. Tabitha was slowly flexing, trying to get the last of the stony stiffness from her muscles, when she spotted Mort kneeling off to one side. His hands were clasped in front of him, and he seemed to be softly talking to himself.

"Mort. MORT! What are you doing?"

Mort let out an exasperated sigh, and replied without moving. "I'm praying, what does it look like?

Tabitha stood motionless, thinking hard for a few moments before replying. "...prayer is unusual for you Mort. You usually just create a bloody mess out of a heathen then fist pump the sky, dedicating it to Balthazar as an after thought and... sort of leave it at that."

Mort clearly disliked having to explain something so fundamental. "Yeah, I was making faith coins. And now is a good time to spend them. Duh."

"Mort, that isn't how religion works..."

Mort finally shifted his pose, turning to face her. "Have you met our God? No? Well I have, so close your visor and go glare at Kruin or something. Geeze, respect my privacy"

"Ugh, the mouth on you sometimes." she muttered, before rejoining the group

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"Dear Balthazar. This is Mort. Hi. How are you? That's good, I'm good too.

So, I don't know if you can see, but I hit more heathens for you. Shades killed the really bad heathen, but I kicked him a few times just so Orcus knew I meant business.

So, uhhh, the dudes said something about Orcus sending an army to go kill our people. I think he mostly wants to kill Shades' people, Shades being the Chosen One and everything, but Greyton is in the way and Tabitha thought it was a good idea to leave my horse in charge. YES TABITHA I'M TELLING ON YOU! Shoo, go away, I'm still praying!

Crusher is a horse and hes dumb and he wants to take over the world or something, but he's in charge so I would like to spend some faith coins and buy him some... somethings. I don't know what I can buy with faith coins. TABITHA, WHAT CAN I BUY WITH FAITH COINS? Okay, Tabitha is ignoring me. Can you like... make him shoot fireballs out of his eyes or something? Or grow lots of arms that hold axes? I think that would be useful. And while you're there, please make him a nice shade of blue so he matches my tabard when I ride him.

Okay I think Aggy wants to talk to me now so I had better go. I hope I can come visit you again soon, you have nice stuff to look at.

Lots of love, Mort."

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Crusher had a big ego. No, that doesn't do it justice. Crusher had a massive ego. He was big and strong, super intelligent and a hit with the ladies. If he insulted you, you were to consider it a compliment, because at least you were worth that much of his time. With Mort and Tabitha out of town, he was in charge. The idea that there might be someone better suited didn't even occur to him. This was his god-given place.

However, while he would never admit it, his stomach did lurch ever so slightly at the news of the Unrighteous March. He might be 24 carat Awesome, but the idea of somehow using the ugly hairless mice who were looking up at him expectantly to defend Greyton didn't sit well with him. He studied them as they took the news of the impending doom and carefully masked his distain. Some of them were crying, some were grim and determined, others still were angry. They should be standing in rank and file, steel as far as the eye could see, ready to kill and trample thier enemies, not this huddled mass of soft weeping flesh. This was beneath him

Crusher snorted loudly and shook his head. He should be chasing chattle like this through burning fields and ruined towns, not plotting to somehow save them. He could remember some of his time spent raiding under Daarog - the smells of blood and fire, screams and roars, the bitter sweet taste of human flesh. That was how battles were supposed to be. Except this time, he's stuck on the side of the chattle.

"You. Horse. Why the long face? Hahahahaha, I kill me sometimes"

Crusher looked sharply around, looking for the source of the disturbance. Sitting on his haunches a few feet off was a Kyton - a leathery Devil with a huge grin, engulfed almost entirely in spiked chains. Rather than sitting dormantly though, the chains slowly shifted, writhed and lifted, almost like they were a nest of snakes. Held protectively in one hand was a longsword, clearly a prized possession, and one of the few other things currently on his person.

He swiftly stood and bounced on the balls of his feet a few times, enjoying the rattle of the metal links and the disquieting effect it had on Crusher. Noone else seemed to be able to hear it.

"I am Xelo'tah of Claire, here on behalf of The Patron, although I believe 'Balthazar' is the common name used here. Mortimer has uh... struck an odd bargain of sorts, and I am here to deliver our part"

Crusher just blankly looked at Xelo'tah for a few long moments, clearly a bit overwhelmed. "...who the fuck...?"

Xelo'tahs grin widened "My sincerest apologies, I mistook you for a creature of indelible charm and indescribable wit. Perhaps you can point me towards a horse with such an affliction"

"Look elsewhere and I'll kick your head in" Crusher said with a twang of a neigh "What do you want with me?"

"Let me cut to the chase. I, The One Xelo'tah of Claire, on behalf of The Patron, hereby confer upon you the vocation of Hellknight and all the privileges that role brings. Congratulations. You are assigned to the Order of the Scythe. Your rank and role shall be decided by the Lawbringer Grey upon his return. On the Lawbringers behalf, I wish to convey the following quest - " Xelo'tah coughed and dropped his voice an octave "'Lose Greyton and I'll make a new pair of boots out of your hide. And they won't be nice boots either'"

Crusher absorbed this tepidly. "This was not how I expected my rise to power to occur. Where are the fanfares, the apples, the screaming mares? The crowds of quaking slaves?"

Xelo'tahs grin faded slowly "Pomp and ceremony are nice and all, but sometimes you just need to find a hammer and hit a nail. Congratulations on your promotion, Sir Hammer, may you hit this nail swiftly and with conviction"

With that tibbit, he disappeared as quickly as he had come.

"...one fucking step and I will end you. I WILL FUCKING END YOU" Jaq screamed

Crusher watched the ragged forces of Greyton form up. "Every God has a humble beginning I suppose" he muttered to himself